I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
