i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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