my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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