I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
