Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
