If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
