so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
