If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
