When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
