i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
