i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
