UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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