no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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