Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
