Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
