I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
