the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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