hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
