tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize