I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
