Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
