she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
