Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
