There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
