There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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