sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
