What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
