All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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