I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
