I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
