I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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