You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
