My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
