did you get engaged???
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
