Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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