You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize