when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
