if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
