I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
