It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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