nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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