Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
