just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
