Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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