She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
