help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
