So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
