Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize