I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
