Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
