I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
