3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
