After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
