That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
