sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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