No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
