Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
