My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
