if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
