im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
