Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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