so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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